This is a guest post from Sierra Black, a long-time GRS reader and the author of ChildWild, a blog where she writes about frugality, sustainable living, and getting her kids to eat kale.
Talking about money is one of the great taboos of our culture. I know more about my friends’ sex lives than I do about their bank statements. Many of us find it hard to discuss finances under the best circumstances. When we’re stressed about money, we tend to clam up even more.
If you’re married (or living with a partner), you don’t have that luxury. Financial success is not a private affair. You need to talk to your spouse or partner about your money. This is vital for both the health of your relationship and the health of your bank balance.
You don’t have to take my word for this. This week, I had the pleasure of interviewing Lou Scatigna, a.k.a. The Financial Physician. An entire chapter of his new book is devoted to “lack of spousal communication”.
How big a problem is failing to talk to your spouse about money? “If you have money conflict, your marriage is doomed,” Scatigna says.
OUCH! My husband and I have our share of differences when it comes to handling our dollars, and I’d like to stay married. In addition to genuinely liking the guy I married, divorce is expensive.
Why Monthly Money Meetings Matter
Scatigna strongly recommends holding a monthly family finance meeting. He believes both partners should sit down once a month to review and pay their bills together. Even if most bills are automated, couples still need to look at them regularly. Meeting monthly creates several important benefits:
Both partners understand household expenses. When only one person manages the money, the other may not realise the amount of debt, rising heating bills, or overall cost of living.
You stay accountable to shared financial goals. It becomes harder to overspend when you know you’ll review expenses at the end of the month.
It can become enjoyable. Managing money as a team can feel less like a chore. Finding ways to save can turn into a fun challenge, and you both enjoy the progress.
It protects the household during emergencies. If one partner becomes sick or unable to manage finances, the other will already know how to handle bills and responsibilities.
Scatigna believes in the value of monthly meetings, but he admits that very few couples actually stick to them.
Why It’s Hard to Talk About Money
Managing finances together sounds simple, yet many couples struggle. Busy schedules, careers, children, and daily stress leave little energy for financial discussions.
Money also triggers strong emotions such as fear, stress, guilt, and anger. Because these feelings are uncomfortable, many couples avoid the topic until it turns into conflict or a financial crisis.
Even when couples sit down to talk, the conversations can drift. Should you discuss long-term goals or only this month’s expenses? How do you avoid arguments?
Recently, my husband and I found a better system. We created a list of financial goals and built a detailed spreadsheet of our fixed and flexible expenses. Now we use both tools to see how money moved during the month.
